Loneliness - Are you determined to fight it and win? March 4, 2008
Posted by caregiver in : loneliness , trackbackARE you lonely? There are occasions in life when it is natural to feel lonely, whether you are married or single, whether you are a man or a woman, whether you are old or young. Realize also that being alone does not necessarily cause loneliness. A lone scholar absorbed in his research does not feel lonely. A lone artist creating a painting has no room to feel lonely. They welcome a solitary moment, and solitude is then their best friend.
The feeling of true loneliness builds up from the very inside of us rather than from the outside. Loneliness may be triggered by some saddening event—a death, a divorce, a lost job, some tragedy. When we light our inner world brightly, that loneliness can be made to diminish, perhaps even disappear in time, and the loss that afflicted us can be accommodated, absorbed.
Feelings arise from your thoughts. After a loss has been absorbed and the feelings it produced have been allowed to recede into the background, it is time to give prominence to upbuilding thoughts that allow you to get on with your life.
Bestir yourself. Take yourself in hand. There are positive things to be done. So be outgoing. Phone someone. Write a letter. Read a book. Invite people over. Have an interchange of ideas. To have friends, you must show yourself friendly. Reach into yourself to reach out to others. Show little kindnesses. Share some comforting spiritual tidbit with them. A famous man once said: “There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.” You will realize another proverbial truth: “The one freely watering others will himself also be freely watered.”
Difficult to do? Easier said than done? Everything worthwhile is easier said than done. That’s what makes the doing of it satisfying to you. You have to put forth special effort. A part of you goes into the giving, and the bright light inside of you grows brighter. It is up to you to put forth the effort to rout the loneliness that seeks to dominate you. A writer in Modern Maturity magazine said: “No one else is responsible for your loneliness, but you can do something about it. You can open up your life with a single friendship. You can forgive someone whom you feel has hurt you. You can write a letter. You can make a phone call. Only you can turn your life around. There is no other human being who can do it for you.” He quoted a letter that he had received that “hits the nail squarely on the head: ‘I tell people it’s up to themselves to keep their lives from being lonely or unfulfilled. Get with it!’”
Your helpful friends need not be limited to those who are human beings. A doctor of veterinary medicine said: “The greatest problems confronting the elderly aren’t physical ailments, but the loneliness and rejection they experience. By providing companionship, animal pets (including dogs) give purpose and meaning at a time when the elderly often are alienated from society.” Better Homes and Gardens magazine said: “Pets help treat the emotionally disturbed; motivate the physically ill, the handicapped, and the disabled; and revitalize the lonely and elderly.” Another magazine article said of people newly cultivating an interest in pets: “Patients’ anxieties lessened and they could express love to their pets without fear of rejection. Later they opened up with people, first talking about the care of their pets. They began to feel a responsibility. They felt needed, something depended on them.”
Too often the one suffering from loneliness will not rally himself sufficiently to help himself, to lift himself out of the depths of his despair. There is an inertia, an unwillingness, to exert himself to that extent, but if he is to get to the bottom of his loneliness, it must be done. Dr. James Lynch wrote of people’s resistance to advice they find hard to take: “The human condition is such that we generally resist hearing, or at least resist incorporating into our behavior, information we do not like.” A person may want to escape his loneliness, but he may not be willing to muster up the willpower needed to effect the release.
To overcome a deep depression, one needs to persist in pursuing real cheerfulness and kindliness. This calls for breaking through the entrenched mood of loneliness by acting just the opposite of its deadening lethargy. Act happy, dance around, sing a jolly song. Do anything reflecting happiness. Exaggerate it, overdo it, crowd out the morose mood with happy thoughts. Once you have found the right mental attitude don’t loose it; continue considering it. You will surely win the battle against loneliness and take care for yourself!
Comments»
no comments yet - be the first?