Negative Emotions - Can you overcome them? March 15, 2008
Posted by caregiver in : good health, loneliness , trackback“Of course not! Negative emotions are too powerful. I have no choice but to endure them until they pass.”That is how many respond to the idea of overcoming emotions such as anxiety, fear, anger, frustration, guilt, self-pity, and depression. But those emotions can be overcome. Rather than surrender to them whenever they arise, you can learn to lessen their intensity, perhaps even eliminate them.Of course, there is a significant difference between the normal negative emotions that are experienced by everyone and severe depression. The latter may require professional treatment. The former do not, and these are the emotions we can learn to cope with. Actually, not all negative emotions are harmful. For example, when you make a serious mistake, you may express remorse in proportion to the mistake. If this moves you to correct it and avoid repeating it in the future, then the emotion has had a positive long-term effect. Or the normal concern you may have about a problem may move you to tackle it with vigor and seek a reasonable solution. That too is a healthy response. However, what if after you do what you reasonably can to correct a mistake, your feelings of guilt or worthlessness still cling to you, perhaps persisting for a long time afterward? Or what if after you resolve a problem to the extent possible, your feelings of worry remain and even intensify? Then your emotional responses may make you miserable. How, then, can you overcome those emotional responses? The key may be found in controlling our thinking.
We Can Control Our Thinking
Many who work in the field of mental health maintain that our feelings are caused by our thoughts. For example, a doctor points out: “You cannot have a feeling (emotion) without first having experienced a thought.” Another doctor further states: “Every bad feeling you have is the result of your distorted negative thinking.” Since your feelings are chiefly a product of your thinking, the key to overcoming your negative emotions is to control the thoughts that support them. With sufficient effort and time, you can learn to bring your thoughts under greater control. It therefore follows that you can do the same to your feelings. True, it is easy to say that we can overcome our negative emotions. But it is something else actually to do it. How, then, can we proceed to cope with these emotions that may cause us so much difficulty?
The first step toward controlling negative emotions is to identify the negative thoughts. Second: Work on correcting the negative thoughts. If, for instance, you were thinking, ‘I never do anything right,’ substitute this with, ‘I’m just like everyone else; I do many things right, but I make my share of mistakes too.’ Do not expect to feel better immediately after making this correction (although you may), and do not get stuck mentally debating the matter. Just make the affirmation and move on to the next step. The third step is to work at dismissing the troublesome thought from your mind. Try to push it out as forcefully and confidently as you would the thought of committing a serious crime. While you may be able to do this with strong mental effort, of immense help in doing so is the fourth step: Get absorbed in something else, something upbuilding. This is vital because your negative thoughts will repeatedly try to force their way back into your mind. But you have this advantage: You can only concentrate fully on one thing at a time. You can prove this to yourself by trying to concentrate totally on two subjects at the same time. If your mind is already fully occupied with something else, it will be difficult for your negative thoughts to return. The way negative thoughts can be replaced by positive ones is illustrated by a doctor who states: “When your phonograph is playing music you don’t like, you do not try to force it to do better. . . . You merely change the record being played and the music takes care of itself. Use the same technique on the ‘music’ that comes out of your own internal machine.” Yes, negative thoughts are often too strong to be simply dismissed. They must be forced out by replacement. Put a different “record” on, a positive one. Switch to a different, upbuilding “channel,” a different “station,” and get absorbed in it.
It Will Be Difficult
The above four steps are easily explained, but how hard they can be to follow! Therefore, do not be surprised if overcoming negative thoughts and emotions is difficult for you at first. Expect it to be difficult, but know that in time it will get easier. Make the example of Cindy, a teacher who was raised by an alcoholic mother. For years Cindy suffered with feelings of guilt and insecurity. Then she decided to come to grips with the problem. What did she do? Cindy explains: “First I worked to identify the specific thoughts that caused my negative feelings. Whenever these thoughts would surface, I would rethink them, rationally and objectively. Then I would work on making positive thoughts flow. I forced my mind to dwell on my students and how I could help them. Gradually, it became easier, and I felt more in control of my feelings.” Yet, you may wonder . . .
Why Is It So Hard?
Are bad habits, such as overeating or smoking, easily broken? By no means! They are overcome only by conscious, determined effort over a period of time. For many, negative thinking is a habit, and like other bad habits, it is a hard one to break. If negative thinking is a habit with you, overcoming it will likely take the same determination that it takes a person who goes on a diet or one who decides to quit smoking. The point is, do not give up and decide to remain depressed because it is easier to do so. Stick with your fight against negative thinking, even if it means many months of trial and error and perhaps relapse. Stay with it as if you were training for an athletic contest. Look to long-term results rather than immediate satisfaction; by doing so you surely take under control negative emotions and you will take care for yourself!
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