How to maintain good friendship April 4, 2008
Posted by caregiver in : friends, loneliness , trackbackIt has been said that “the only way to have a friend is to be one”. Many, though, have chosen the route of solitude. Rather than reaching out and being a friend, they cut others off. The result? “People who spend a lot of time by themselves tend to feel ‘very passive, unhappy, left out of the world,’” a Brazilian newspaper quoted a researcher as saying. He continued: “When there’s nothing else to do, when there’s no one to talk to, you turn inwards. It’s much easier to get caught up in your problems.”
You need not reach such a stage, however. Almost anyone can learn to be a friend and thus gain friends. But how does a person start? A big factor in the ability to make friends is our own personality. An ancient proverb truthfully says: “A man’s attraction lies in his kindness.”. True friendship, therefore, comes to those who express kindness. For example, when we let others know we appreciate them, they are more likely to take an interest in us. A kind person also listens to others. Someone who dominates the conversation or talks excessively about himself will have a hard time finding anyone who is interested in his feelings and aspirations. Kindness also means watching what we say to others. To illustrate: You may notice that someone is depressed or consumed with worry. On such an occasion, your healing tongue could win a loyal friend for you.
The Value of Loyalty
A man of the past showed deep insight into human relationships when he wrote: “Some friends bring ruin on us, but a true friend is more loyal than a brother.”. Yes, who wants a fair-weather friend? Do you show such loyalty? For example, when you observe flaws in your associates, do you thoughtlessly reveal them to others? But what if someone dear to you has a serious fault that needs immediate attention? The loyal friend does not hold back from telling the truth out of fear of the other person’s reaction. “The wounds inflicted by a lover are faithful,” says an ancient saying. This, of course, does not mean that you should be harsh or tactless. A true friend will love you for ‘telling the truth,’ even if it is corrective counsel.
Happiness in Giving
Genuine, lasting friendship does cost something. People who are always striving to get something without giving anything in return will never be happy. If you freely give to others without expecting anything in return you will feel happy, try it! Therefore, learn to look at people from the standpoint of what you can do for them, instead of what you can get out of them. Be “generous,” “liberal, ready to share.”. Your material resources may be quite limited, but what about your time? Do you have the habit of always being in a hurry? Friendship takes time, and unless a person is willing to make time for others, relationships will not thrive. For example, you may use the well-worn greeting “How are you?” But are you generous enough with your time to stop and be prepared to listen to the answer to this question?
Keeping Our Friendships Alive
Once a friendship has been established, every effort should be made to keep it alive. True, as you get to know each other, certain weaknesses and flaws will become apparent. Yet you will do well to recognize and accept minor weaknesses. And when in doubt, the noble thing to do is to give your friend the benefit of the doubt, avoiding undue suspicion. Put up with one another in love and have intense love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. Then, too, how wise it is never to take friends for granted! Even the closest friends need some privacy. Lengthy, frequent, or untimely visits may eventually become wearisome and unwanted. Discernment and respect would suggest making arrangements beforehand when at all possible. Make your foot rare at the house of your fellowman, that he may not have his sufficiency of you and certainly hate you. It is also the course of wisdom to avoid being overly inquisitive, personal, or possessive. Modesty will move us to avoid being dogmatic. Surely, friendship does not give us the right to force our opinions or personal tastes on one another. Be reasonable, be supportive of your friends, show empathy. Yes, be willing to share your friends’ sorrows, disappointments, joys, and successes. Display a sense of humor, too, being willing to laugh at your own mistakes, not just those of others. Good-natured remarks can even serve to ease tension at awkward moments. Yes, friendship is work. But is it not worth the effort?
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