How to win the fight against depression April 7, 2008
Posted by caregiver in : depression, friends, loneliness , trackback“For waging war you need guidance” states an old saying. Skill, not just good intentions, is needed to win a battle. Certainly, if depressed, you do not want inadvertently to cause yourself to feel worse. For instance, a recent study of depressed persons found that some tried to cope with their depression by ‘taking anger out on other people, reducing tension by drinking more, eating more, and taking more tranquilizing drugs.’ The result: “more depression and physical symptoms.”Some depressed persons fail to seek skillful direction because of their fear of being viewed as mentally weak. Yet, major depression is not a sign of mental weakness. Research indicates that this severe disorder may exist when there is a certain chemical malfunction in the brain. Since a physical illness may cause this, if you have been severely depressed for longer than two weeks, a medical examination may be advisable. If no physical illness is found to be contributing to the problem, often the disorder can be improved by adjusting the thinking pattern along with some help from appropriate medication or nutrients. Winning the fight against depression does not mean that you will never have a depressed mood again. Sadness is a part of life. Yet, skillfully directing your blows will help you deal with depression better. A doctor will often prescribe antidepressants. These are drugs designed to clear up the chemical imbalance. Elizabeth, mentioned earlier, used these, and within weeks her mood began to improve. “Still, I had to cultivate a positive attitude to work along with the drugs,” she said. “With the ‘push’ from the medicine, I was determined to get well. I also maintained a daily exercise program.” However, the use of antidepressants is not always successful. There are also troublesome side effects for some. And even if the chemical malfunction is corrected, unless one’s thinking is corrected, the depression may return. Much relief, however, can come by being willing to . . .
Open Up Your Feelings
Sheilah deeply resented the one-sided load of family responsibilities that she carried, as well as the pressures of a secular job. “But I just stuffed my feelings inside me,” explained Sheilah. “Then one night when I felt so hopeless, I phoned my younger sister, and for the first time in my life, I began to pour out my feelings. This was a turning point, as that call brought such relief.” So, if depressed, seek out an empathetic person in whom you can confide. This one may be a marriage mate, close friend, relative, minister, doctor, or trained counselor. One of the essentials in defeating depression, according to a study reported in the Journal of Marriage and the Family, is “having a support helper available with whom to share the tribulations of life.” Putting your feelings into words is a healing process that prevents your mind from trying to deny the reality of the problem or loss and, hence, leaving this unresolved. But open up your real feelings. Don’t allow a sense of false pride, wanting to have an undaunted-by-adversity appearance, to inhibit you. Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.. Yet, only by opening up can others begin to understand your “anxious care” and thus give that “good word” of encouragement. “I just wanted sympathy when I called my sister, but I got a lot more,” recalled Sheilah. “She helped me to see where my thinking was wrong. She told me that I was putting too much responsibility on myself. Though at first I didn’t want to hear this, when I began to apply her counsel, I could sense that a huge load began to be lifted.” How true are these words: “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.” There is sweetness in having a friend or a mate who talks frankly and helps you to put things in proper perspective. This may help you to focus on just one problem at a time. So rather than becoming defensive, cherish such “skillful direction.” You may need someone who, after several conversations, can offer some short-term goals that will indicate steps you can take to change or modify your situation so as to reduce or eliminate the source of the emotional strain. Fighting depression often requires contending with feelings of low self-esteem. How can these be skillfully resisted?
Fighting Low Self-Esteem
For instance, Maria, became depressed after conflicts within her family. She concluded: ‘I am a terrible person and can’t do anything right.’ This was wrong. If she had just analyzed her conclusions, she could have challenged these by reasoning: ‘I do some things right and some wrong, just like other people. I made a couple of mistakes, and I need to work on being more thoughtful, but let’s not blow this all out of proportion.’ Such reasoning would have left her self-esteem intact. So often that overly critical inner voice that condemns us is wrong! Some typical distorted thoughts that breed depression are listed in the accompanying box. Learn to recognize such erroneous thoughts and mentally challenge their validity. Another victim of low self-esteem was Paul, a 37-year-old single parent. “I was under strain trying to rear two boys. But when I saw other single parents get married, I thought, ‘Something must be wrong with me,’” he explained. “By dwelling on just negatives, these snowballed, and I ended up hospitalized for depression. After leaving the hospital,” Paul continued, “I read a list of thoughts that can incline one to depression. Each night I read that list. Some of the wrong thoughts were, ‘My value as a person depends on what others think of me,’ ‘I should never feel hurt; I should always be happy and serene,’ ‘I should be the perfect parent.’ By forcing myself to avoid certain incorrect thoughts, I got over my depression.” Do some of your thoughts need to be challenged or rejected? (See at the bottom of the page).
Is It My Fault?
Although Alexander was very depressed, he managed to teach a school class. When some of his pupils failed a very important reading test, he became suicidal. “He felt that he had failed,” reported Esther, his wife. “I told him it was not his fault. You can’t have 100-percent success.” Yet, his overwhelming guilt closed his mind and led him to suicide. Often, exaggerated guilt is caused by assuming an unrealistic responsibility for the behavior of other people. Even in the case of a child, a parent can strongly influence his life but not absolutely control it. If something does not go as well as you had planned, ask yourself: Did I face unforeseen occurrences beyond my control? Did I do all I reasonably could within the limits of my physical, mental, and emotional resources? Were my expectations just too high? Do I need to learn to be more reasonable and modest? But what if you do make a serious mistake, and it is your fault? Will continuing to beat yourself mentally change the mistake? Not constant sadness but taking positive steps to ‘right the wrong’ is what will ease your depression.
‘Hour-by-Hour’ Endurance
“I have tried everything, including nutritional supplements and antidepressants,” bemoans Eileen, a 47-year-old mother who has struggled with major depression for years. “I have learned to adjust wrong thinking, and this has helped me to be a more reasonable person. But the depression remains.” The fact that depression persists does not mean that you are not fighting it skillfully. Doctors do not know all the answers to treating the disorder. In some situations the depression is a side effect of some medicines taken to treat a serious illness. Thus, the use of such medicines is a trade-off because of the benefit they may be in treating some other medical problem. Of course, pouring out your feelings to another understanding person helps but this will be the subject of a next article!
Negative thinking pattern:
- Distorted Thinking Patterns All-or-nothing thinking: You see things in black-and-white categories. If your performance falls short of perfection, you see yourself as a total failure.
- Overgeneralization: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. For instance, after an argument with a friend, you may conclude: ‘I’m losing all my friends. Nothing turns out right for me.’
- Disqualifying the positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting that they “don’t count” or, “I’m not worthy of such.” By dwelling on a single negative detail, your whole view darkens.
- Jumping to conclusions: You arbitrarily conclude that someone doesn’t like you, and you don’t bother to check this out. Or you are absolutely convinced that things will always turn out badly.
- Magnification or minimization: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your own mistake or someone else’s achievement) or play down things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow’s imperfections). You make nightmarish disasters out of commonplace negative events.
- Personalization: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event that, in fact, you were not primarily responsible for.
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